Not Another Monday

for those who know the ache of Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Child loss

It was the day after Father’s Day and I was especially excited to go to work that morning. The wait was over. I was going to tell my boss and colleagues that my husband and I would be welcoming a hatchling in six months. Due date: January 11th.

Keeping it secret for the customary three  months was excruciatingly difficult and seemed ridiculous, even though they weren’t able to find the heartbeat using ultrasound a couple of weeks before. “It’s not uncommon,” the gynecologist assured me.”It’s still very early and it may be too weak. We’ll pick it up next visit. All you’re other indicators are strong.”  I believed her. I had to.

I arrived at my office by 8:00am.  Once let loose the happy news traveled through the office at the speed of gossip and the morning was filled with congratulatory hugs and taps on the door from the receptionist to the partners.  I donned  the glow of expected motherhood.

The spotting started just before noon.

I raced back to my office, speaking to no one, shut the door and called my husband first. Then the gynecologist.

At 3:00pm, after drinking gallons of water as instructed on the phone, I was in an outer room waiting for another ultrasound and exam. I was doubled over by the urge to pee and the tumbling with the fear that my bladder might burst right there.

By 4:00pm I was on the doctor’s office phone scheduling a D&C.

I don’t remember the drive home. Only that I spent the next week balled into the corner of the sofa, my eyes swollen shut from crying, tarred by an ache that wouldn’t dull.

A week later I went to work and did my job just like the hundreds of other Mondays before the Monday before.

But now everything was different. Even Mondays. I’d never be a woman who had not lost a child to miscarriage. Once you’re that woman, you are always that woman.  And yes, the good news is you go on even on the difficult days. And you heal. But that person, that baby remains woven into your DNA, and your heart.

These XIZOZU were created for you to wear as touchstone of love and remembrance.
Honoring women who have lost children through miscarriage


For comfort and remembrance of miscarriage
Honoring the loss of a stillborn child


For comfort and remembrance of a stillborn child
Loss of a child


Comfort and Remembrance of the the loss of a child

The Many Journeys on the Motherhood Path

When mothers day brings sorrowIn a couple of weeks we’ll be celebrating Mother’s Day, which may be the biggest breakfast-in-bed holiday of all time. No one deserves the recognition more than moms and we’re not only thankful, but in total freakin’ awe of every mum, mommy, mama, and mother out there! We applaud every marvelous women fortunate enough to spend the day “any way she wants,” encircled by her loving children—or at the very least surrounded by sweet bouquets and cards they sent.

But our larger mission is in supporting the woman who, for a host of reasons, won’t have giggling children fluffing her pillow and presenting her with a flower-adorned tray of fruit and pancakes. We want those women to remember, you’re not alone. You’ll be among countless women cradling more leaden emotions that are equally sacred.

We’re with you too. We understand. Your journey to motherhood might be winding and complicated. XIZOZU exist to hold space for you, wherever you are on your personal path. And to provide a peaceful point of strength during your fragile times.

These XIZOZU were created to embrace all the shapes of motherhood:

I Chose to Not Have ChildrenI Foster Parent
I Struggle with InfertilityI Raised My Siblings
I Lost a Child by MiscarriageI'm Raising My Grandchildren
I’m a Mother of A StillbornI Lost my Child
I’m a Single MotherI Lost my Daughter
I’m an Adoptive Parent I Lost my Son
I’m a Biological MotherI’m a Surrogate Mother

The Nudge I Needed

I’ll be honest – launching XIZOZU™ has been among the most rewarding and the most challenging projects I’ve ever undertaken. The times when doubts creep in and I wonder…is this really a thing?…are thankfully few, but the second-guessing does happen. Then I get an email like this…

2/10/18

My XIZOZU arrived yesterday, it was a gift from my mother-in-law and I haven’t taken it off. It’s like a source of renewable energy that I can draw from whenever my grief weakens me…I love that no one else knows its meaning. People just think it’s beautiful. I do too. Thank you. Thank you.

M. in Massachusetts

…and I know exactly where my path is leading. Thank you universe.

Learning to Shift | The XIZOZU 8

Small Shifts for big Changes

This week’s eight things that are worth sharing with friends

Issue #3: Learn to Shift  

Creating a life that’s more than standard! What I learned this week about the incredible change that can happen from small shifts.

  1. APPROACH: Whenever I give my OCD friend who loves to clean a hard time, she tells me I’m just compulsively messy. Touché. Imagine my glee when I learned we can all have tidy houses without donating entire days to cleaning the them! Wheeeee!
  2. TIME: Speaking of time not spent doing something, imagine what you could accomplish just by changing how you spend ten minutes a day? After spending 10 mintues reading One Hundred Blocks, I’ve been loosely tracking my day in ten minute blocks. If nothing else, this helped put the time I waste on social media into perspective. We made an easily printable form for you to try it yourself.
  3. GAZE: SpaceX is tackling one of the obstacles to life in the final frontier: sustainable transportation. Elon Musk hopes to launch his Tesla roadster into space early this week. No really.
  4. PERSPECTIVE: There’s so much that could be said about the work of Bernard Pras besides that it’s amazing in the actual meaning of the word. If you do the Facebook thing, check this video out.  And also on Facebook this shifted view from the British Museum takes you into a 17th century Chinese Scroll. Gorgeous and mesmerizing. (Oh, wait we’re also on Facebook!)
  5. GROOVE: Drop a retro Nightshift vibe onto your next music playlist: Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson have a timeless soulful verve.
  6. STANCE: Wait, I changed my mind – and why it’s a good thing. Or, are our minds made up and nothing will change them.
  7. POSITION: Downward facing or upward facing, I still rarely do either of them correctly. Even so – a little free yoga is always good for realigning your body and your adjusting spirit.
  8. SITUATION: “I shifted my car into reverse when…” Nobody wins in an abusive realtionship, but I have nothing but respect for this chic right here…

Every life deserves a medal. Get yours.


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Information worth sharing with friends

When One Person Is Five People

Losing a loved one impacts so many relationships.

Bereavement and greif, how to honor the life of a loved one who has passed. Just before Christmas I received an order for five XIZOZU: Loss of Wife, Loss of Sister, Loss of Daughter, Loss of Mother, Caregiver.

I got teary. Instantly.

It was impossible to miss the far-reaching impact that the passing of this one woman had in her world.

I was glad to create medals that would be reminders of each of those sacred connections and also containers for the love that could no longer be physically expressed. I poured all my comforting energy into each of those medals.

It’s easy to forget how deeply each of us touches so many others on a given day, in a given lifetime. As I packaged the order up for delivery I whispered a promise to myself to be better about valuing each of spaces I occupy in other people’s lives. 

Have you thought about how many roles you fill in your everyday life? The list grows quickly once you start making it. Believe me.

Thanks for reading,
Christine

View Current Medals

In Time for Christmas

Remembrance jewelry lets you honor your loved ones and keep them near to your heart
Stylish, discrete packaging allows customers to not reveal the meaning of their XIZOZU™
XIZOZU™ Medals of Honor empower women to honor their hourney but say it in secret.

If you still want a XIZOZU for yourself or as a gift in time for Christmas, I have  XIZOZU™ in hand that can be shipped standard or express service through December 21st!

Plus you save! Each medal is only $20.00 shipping!

HERE’S THE COMPLETE LIST

Let me know which XIZOZU™ medals you’d like and we can take care of the details via Etsy or Paypal.

Don’t wait though! Once these are gone I won’t be making more until after Christmas!

 

A Tale of Two Parties

Every woman is unique, her path is her own

Without making me sound like more of a party animal than I actually am, a couple of weekends ago I wound up at two local parties on the same day. Both were casual outdoor gatherings commemorating summer’s passing. Someone was wearing a XIZOZU™ medals pendant at each of them.

Confession: I still (and will probably always) get a little thrill when I unexpectedly spot someone sporting XIZOZU™ pendants out in the wild.

At the first party the woman wore three classic bronze with black pendants close to her heart dangling from a leather cord. At the second the woman wore three similar medals but closer to her neck on a black wire choker.

Those two women were as uniquely opposite, at least on the surface, as two females can be, as were the medals the wore.

Yet they were both quite similar too. Both were equally and rightfully proud of what they had accomplished.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

The first woman’s set honored overcoming challenges, the second woman’s  set celebrated meeting them. Similar results, but with a small but significant difference.

Sometimes we choose our challenges, like deciding to run a marathon or buy a home. Here we need to focus our energy and summon our discipline to achieve these things.

Other times challenges appear in our paths uninvited, and we have no choice but to find a way through, or around them. Those hardships and traumatic episodes require us to fight for our selves, in the truest, deepest meaning possible, physically or mentally.

In each case, the work is hard. In both cases they deserve medals.

So do you.

Get Yours >>

The Importance of Remembrance and Memorial Jewelry

Remembrance jewelry lets you honor your loved ones and keep them near to your heart

Yesterday’s post about my father’s suicide received a lot of positive attention both here on the blog and in conversations on Facebook.

It was wonderful to see the dialog about mental wellness and suicide open up around me, but what was equally striking was the number of private messages I received in which people privately expressed their experiences with suicide. Those who reached out via text and email wanted to share their thoughts and memories, but confidentially.

That’s exactly what XIZOZU’s all about. The ability to  honor an event or emotion, while still keeping it secret.

Personally I think it’s important to broaden the conversation about mental wellness, grief, trauma, and suicide, so I’ll talk about, or write about, my experience of losing my dad. Others aren’t there yet. I totally get that. Everyone processes grief differently and there’s no universal way to do it.

Above is one of the XIZOZU™ I will be likely wearing for the next few weeks. Its one I wear often. It honors the loss of a loved one through suicide. It’s where I can direct my affection, and sometimes draw  bit of strength, anytime I’m move to, especially when I touch it.

Honor your own achievements, challenges and loss with your won medals.

Get Yours

 

Saying It In Secret

Sent this set to a buyer this morning.

The aspect of one’s life that any given XIZOZU™ honors is only identified on the inside of the hangtag. You can share it’s meaning if you choose. Or not.

You see, we deeply respect your privacy and are exceptional secret-keepers.